Bottom wiper for obese people who can’t reach their butts

| |

Perform a quick Google search for “ bottom wiper for obese ” and you will be hit by thousands of sites recommending the “best bidet sprayers”; in a desperate attempt to earn a quick affiliate buck. The sad reality is that these sites are quick in recommending solutions without thinking of whether the products they’re promoting will be beneficial to the reader. Looking at this sketch – dubbed the big bone theory – we can truly see that the arms of an obese man are too short to wipe.

This sketch shows that obese arms are retal8veky shorter in comparison to their bodies and they definitely need a bottom wiper for obese

Parents often teach their kids to wipe from front to back. But when you’re 5’8” and weighing 350 pounds, this become an impossible feat to achieve. In fact, anyone weighing over 250 pounds has a hard time wiping without utilising an aid, prove me wrong! Weirdly, obese people have to plan their day around the time they’ll need to take a number two. Try having a heavy breakfast and eating light throughout the day, you will get those “Teflon sh#ts”. They come off nice and hard. No cleanup, no skid marks thereafter. Puns aside, you will need an ass wiper. Freedom Wand, Bottom Buddy and Buckingham Self Wipe are the three leading models and I’ll review them

  1. Freedom Wand

Truthfully speaking, a handheld bidet sprayer is more effective at cleaning up after taking a dump but who would imagine getting a cold jet directed at their you know where? It’s obvious that washing is more effective compared to wiping but bidet sprayers are impractical. The Marketing Team at Freedom Wand advertises their product as being the best personal hygiene product. Naturally, I’m sceptical of manufacturer descriptions as they turn out to be marketing gimmicks more often than not but this wiping aid may be worth your time. With three attachments (an ointment applicator, a loofah holder and a shaver holder) this product may change your personal hygiene

 

  1. Bottom Buddy Toilet Tissue Wiping Aid  11″ Personal Hygiene Wand

With a soft flexible head, Hygien’ease® Technologies LLC – the company behind Bottom Buddy, think that they’ve figured out how obese people can wipe when the arms are too short. This may be a tall claim but one thing is for sure; wiping is ten times easier with this toilet tissue aid. Perhaps it’s effective due to it’s curved, hockey-stick like handle. I’ll spare you the details on how it works. There’s a release button mid handle ensuring that you never have to look at or worse touch, soiled toilet wet wipes. They even give a complimentary carry bag for “discreet” carrying. I wonder what’s discreet in carrying a bag printed Bottom Buddy over it. Either way, I bet you’ll never use this bag.

Here’s our comparison between the Freedom Wand and Bottom Buddy

  1. Buckingham

If this isn’t the second most hyped product (after fidget spinners), I’ll have my sanity re-assessed. Truth be told, though fancy, this isn’t the most durable butt wiper you could spend your hard-earned money on. Try exerting too much pressure on the handle and you will see the $50+ you spent acquiring this bottom wiper for obese go down the drain. Perhaps the only people who will benefit from this wiper are the ones who are not looking for a permanent solution. It may come in handy when you have limited wiping mobility after undergoing back surgery.

Buckingham Travel Compact Folding Easywipe Toilet Aid
List Price: $47.99
Price: $41.99
You Save: $6.00
Price Disclaimer

Even though this is a roundup of the three best wipers, you can see the full list here

When is it time to get a bottom wiper for obese?

Disclaimer: I work at nursing home and handicapped and elderly clients are the ones who need assistive wiping aids most. Nonetheless. I’ve interacted with many obese people and one challenge they faced (even though they never disclosed explicitly to save face) was in wiping their bottoms efficiently. Industries capitalised on this target market and creating wiping devices for them. The best ones are able to hold both toilet paper and wet wipes. Don’t you agree that these innovations restore dignity to the obese?